Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Getting Stronger :: A Story of Hope

I sat frozen by the news.

After more than two years of "trying," taking various tests, and crying and praying for a breakthrough, the word that something truly biological may really be blocking us from holding our own precious babes ravages through my heart.

A flood of thoughts and emotions vye for first place in my consciousness.

Dreams of a little girl with my freckles and a son with Arno's beautiful smile seem to be slipping through my fingers, and I am helpless to stop it.

Knowing that the Father has led me to begin a 30 day journey of hope seems absolutely ludicrous.




How can I share about hope when mine, on the face of it all, has been snatched away?

I stand on a precipice of one of those defining moments of life.

Will I jump headfirst, turn and walk away, or maybe discover a pathway through the rocky divide, knowing that crawling my way to the other side may be completely ambiguous and filled with trepidation?

So I broach the chasm.
What else can I do?

I tread lightly at first, stumbling along the way, until suddenly my muscles fortify with the tension of the climb, and Hope begins to take on a life of her own, weaving her story into my broken pieces, teaching me that life is more than my plans and my wishes and my desires.

She is soft and strong
Steady and sure
Sensitive and striking
drawing me into her safe haven
teaching me to rest in her heartbeat
holding me close in the splintering
nudging me forward into boldness.

And in her grip, I am finding freedom, little by little, day by day
Getting stronger.

{Written about a moment in time
two years ago}

You're Already Amazing


Christina Gilliland said... Best Blogger Tips

So sorry for you, friend! My heart goes out to you...Wish I could be there in person to walk with you! Love you much! 

Jamie H said... Best Blogger Tips

This is a very beautiful post!  I can't help but wonder what has happened since this moment two years ago.  Nice meeting you through Write It Girl!

Julie Wilson said... Best Blogger Tips

Your words of hope are beautiful... Today, I am adding you to my list of friends that I pray Psalm 113:9 for... "He maketh the barren woman... a joyful mother of children."

thank you for sharing!

Brendab said... Best Blogger Tips

I adore Emily Dickinson's metaphor of "Hope is a thing with feathers," but your metaphor lines in this post are stronger and more finite to me.
Awesome post, my friend.

Sabrina said... Best Blogger Tips

Hope is like air & water--the very thing needed to keep you going just one more step.  Count on God to piggy back one challenge onto another.  Yet, it all goes to teach us more about Him and His love for us.

(now I'll have to find time to go back and read up on your 30 day journey)

Angela Amman said... Best Blogger Tips

I like this so much:
teaching me that life is more than my plans and my wishes and my desires.

It is so telling and true.  Letting go of what we have planned and allowing life to take shape before us is hard, so very hard sometimes.

Beverly Brumbley said... Best Blogger Tips

That is so beautiful, Baby!  I just had to read it a few times....I keep remembering the little girl who cried and cried over writing book reports!  What a magnificent writer you have become!  You help us to see and feel right along with you!!  And, I join you in that HOPE....God's promises are true and sure and we can certainly lean back on therm and know they will support us, until victory is realized.  

Kristen Strong said... Best Blogger Tips

Just stunning, Lindsey, stunning. 

Jen said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you for visiting my blog, Lindsay. When I read your post, it brought tears to my eyes. I found out I couldn't have children over 10 years ago, due to some biological reason that there is no reason for. It broke my heart then and continues to break it. I went through some pretty serious depression (you can read the About Me page on my blog to learn about my journey!), but have come to realize that God has a plan and purpose for me. He wouldn't put the desires of my heart there without a plan for them. My nephew was born nearly four months ago and I am filled with a love beyond understanding for him. I thank God for him and treasure him every minute I can. If you would like to chat more, please e-mail me. I've been through a lot of ups and downs with my infertility, so I can relate to the pain you and your husband are experiencing. 

Annie | annieathome.com said... Best Blogger Tips

Reading this now, two years after that moment you write about, and seeing the way this journey of hope & heartache has shaped you - not made it easy, or erased heartache, but shaped you - it is good, Lindsey. Thank you, Lindsey.

Natasha said... Best Blogger Tips

Hmm... I've been there. And how incredible that hope is found in the midst. 

Ms. Kathleen said... Best Blogger Tips

What would we do without hope in our lives? I never want to know. Hold on tight to the Lord. I'll be keeping you in prayer.

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